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The Story of My Journal
Those words that Ms. Gates wrote meant nothing to me, really, as I read them. Sure, I was touched because she and I had always been close throughout my four years in high school. But they truly didn’t have an impact on me until one day after college graduation when I opened that journal and I did laugh. To think those things could’ve been that heart wrenching, that painful, that funny, and that important!
I started recording in my journal from day one of college. In fact, I really started to write before that. My first entry is on June 21, 1993, a couple of weeks after graduating from high school. This was the "I am so scared of college" entry! I wrote that no matter what, academics always had to be first, which was important because I liked to party! I knew that heading to CMU would be a challenge in that department! To party or to study, that is the question! Anyway, once I was settled at school, I found that I was capable of making it. I wrote of the fear I had of academics and the excitement that college brought me. I wrote about professors I liked and disliked, my new friends and roommates, the crushes I had, grades I received, but most significant to me, the unexpected loneliness I faced leaving everything that was a comfort to me. "Is it me that’s really homesick? The girl who was first in line for the one-way trip to college? It wasn’t possible!" I thought as I recorded. I even remember writing that I really did hope Ms. Gates was right, that someday I could look back and laugh at all this, because at the time, it seemed like every time I wrote, I was unhappy and confused. This wasn’t the way things were supposed to be for me. College was supposed to be a wonderful place! Why was it nothing like I expected?
My journal entries started to become fewer and fewer as I became more accustomed to college life. I continued to write about everything from fights with my roommate Leslie (man I hated her), to my crush on Chuck Selinger (who ended up having a girlfriend anyway). Though the entries were becoming less frequent, the journal still remained an important part of me. It was an escape for me, a place where I could put my deepest thoughts and beliefs, or just a place where I could vent when it seemed as though the rest of the world didn’t give a damn. Now that I look back on it, I realize that those entries were also a learning experience for me. Writing in my journal helped me through a lot of bad times I had in college. There were many times that I didn’t feel as though I could turn to anyone, and that is when some of my best journal entries were recorded.
When I look back at my journal, I realize that I am a much happier person now than I was back then. This probably has something to do with my entry from February 2, 1995, the entry about the weekend I met my husband. The entries took a positive turn after this one. Writing got me through a lot of situations in school and in my life. Looking back now, I realize the power that it had to heal me. That is what I have learned from it, and why it is significant in my life.